John Rocker: Shocking!
Unbelievable! Disgusting! Outrageous! Uh....did I mention unbelievable? Oh. How
about... uh... weirdly off putting?! … Did I mention weirdly off putting?! Just checking. I just can’t believe the whole John Rocker debacle.
Imagine.....A jock expressing unenlightened attitudes?! An ATHLETE
demonstrating intolerance?! I don’t know about you, but nothing in my high school or college experience could have prepared me for this shock to the system. What the hell’s going on? Can I no longer look to the
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"Whenever
I’ve felt in need of spiritual guidance I always thought Gold’s Gym
was the one place I could still turn to." |
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local batting cages as an intellectual oasis, free of the ignorance present in so many of our institutions? Whenever I’ve felt in need of spiritual guidance I always thought Gold’s Gym was the one place I could still turn to. I could always amble over to the nautilus room and seek guidance from one of the sweaty Visigoths working the lateral pull down machine. Then I’d sit in rapture as he would expound with Zen like insight on the existential questions of the day. My image of the American athlete as a font of Ghandi-like wisdom has been forever shattered. Shame on you John Rocker. I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. If you can’t turn to a guy who’s only known claim to fame is his ability to throw a baseball for illumination where can you turn?
Enough irony. I haven’t seen so much hand wringing since the OCD convention. The only thing that shocks me anymore is how easily people seem to be shocked. Is John Rocker running for office? Is he a spiritual leader? Does he own a corporation, which makes important personnel decisions? No. He’s a mouth breather who, if he couldn’t throw a ball 90
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"He’s a mouth breather who, if he couldn’t throw a ball 90 miles an hour, probably would be night manager at
Stuckeys." |
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miles an hour, probably would be night manager at Stuckeys. Wasn’t there a time when it was considered cruel to ask jocks complicated questions? And what ever happened to showing sensitivity to the simple minded? John Rocker may be retarded. Or maybe Tourettes. All that bizarre eye blinking and those weird facial ticks must be evidence of something other than just in breeding. And also didn’t the whole Clinton thing teach us that it doesn’t matter what a guy is in his private life as long as he does a good job in his public life? Or did I miss something? When did we start to expect our ball players to be Thomas Aquinas?
Being intelligent isn’t John Rocker’s field. After all God giveth and he taketh away. I don’t need to see John Rocker on “Firing Line”. And please God I don’t want anyone asking William F. Buckley to protect a lead in a one run game. Nelson Mandela needs to be smart. Bill Clinton needs to be smart. John Rocker’s teammates will take care of him, believe me. Let Ozzie Guillen, Eddie Perez, and Brian Jordan take care of the fine young Rocker. My guess is they’ll make him feel as comfortable as Pat Buchanan at a Jay-Z concert. If he only wants English speaking Anglos on his team then…….well……. boy is that team gonna suck. And please God no “Sensitivity Training” whatever the hell that is. What are they gonna do tie him up, eyes propped open Clockwork Orange style and force him to watch “Roots”, “Mi Familia” and “The Joy Luck Club” until he has some kind of "melting pot epiphany"?
I have absolutely no problem with John Rocker
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"Feeling that I am spiritually and intellectually superior to Howie Long is the only thing that gets me through the day." |
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being an idiot. After all, if we can’t expect prodigious stupidity from our jocks, who can we expect it from? These guys already have the athletic superiority, now we want them being wise too? If that happens there’ll be nothing for guys like me to do! I don’t know about you but I don’t want to live in a world where a guy can win a Heisman and a Nobel peace prize! I don’t want to live in a world where 6-5 350 pound football players can kick my ass and compete against me on Jeopardy. Feeling that I am spiritually and intellectually superior to Howie Long is the only thing that gets me through the day. Please don’t take that away from me people.. Its all I have! And frankly I don’t want my beloved athletes setting enlightened examples, trying to raise public consciousness or tackling the complex social, political or philosophical questions of our day anyway. That’s what we have
supermodels for.
Your comments always welcome!
